How to perform a thumbs-up

Step one: the cautious scout
First, you need to make sure you're not about to dispense a thumbs-up in an inappropriate situation, such as a funeral* or sawmill calamity aftermath. Peep around or over something - a corner, bush or riot shield - so that you can confirm that what's going on is definitely something to which you want to give your approval and/or encouragement.

*There are sometimes moments in funerals when a thumbs-up can be used, perhaps to show appreciation for coffin-bearers struggling manfully with a particularly heavy load, but such a move needs to skilfully combine a discreet, understated thumb presentation with a grim half-smile and should only be attempted by advanced thumbs-uppers.






Step two: the lone soldier
Once you are committed to signalling your good wishes, extend your right arm - even if you are left-handed. (In many cultures, a left-handed thumbs-up will get you into trouble. For example, in Brazil it means 'I am clearly the best in this country and I hereby claim the Brazilian throne.' To the Danes it means 'I am here to remove Lego bricks from the rear of your cow. With my bare hands.') Raise your forearm and make a fist. Then very quickly - and practice this, because the longer you hold up your fist, the more chance there is of someone thinking you're about to punch them - elevate your thumb so that it's perpendicular to the ground.* Smile. If you've performed the thumbs-up correctly, your target thumbs-uppee will acknowledge your kind gesture and will respond with a thumbs-up themselves. Even monkeys will return a thumbs-up, though don't try and get them to do so at the zoo as it makes them excitable and they may have to be tranquilised.

*Thumbs-up techniques for astronauts will be covered in a future lesson.





Step three: the twins of power
This is the ne plus ultra of thumbs-ups: the maximum enthusiasm it is possible to express without the surgical addition of more thumbs. You might think that to give the double thumbs-up is easy - a simple matter of using the left hand and arm to mirror the action of the right. Well, it is - physically. But ethically it's a whole other matter. Of course, it's tempting to give a double thumbs-up at every opportunity. 'Why not?' you might think. It doesn't take any extra time; it's symmetrical; it's the nice thing to do. But don't be reckless. Does the situation really merit two thumbs? Is your three-year-old daughter's crayon drawing of a pony driving a space rocket really that good? It may reveal a charmingly impractical imagination, but by giving it a double-thumbs up you don't have anywhere left to go. When, twenty years later, you attend your daughter's art college graduation show and you give the same double-thumbs up to her 1:1 Blu-Tack replica of the Berlin Fernsehturm, she's going to think you think that she hasn't developed since nursery. She'll tell you were you can stick your two thumbs.