"This was one of the few truly happy moments we ever had, Gemma and I. We were trying to make a salad - Christ knows why, I think it must have been when that detective show was really popular. You know, the one with the lettuce. Inspector Iceberg. Brilliant stuff.
"Anyway, after about three hours you can see that we'd got as far as slicing a pepper in half, and chopping the end off a cucumber, and we stopped and looked at each other and thought, 'We're doing pretty well, aren't we?' And so we rewarded ourselves with a little drink.
"I'm not sure who took the photo. I'd say Gemma, but I don't think it can be her, because there she is sitting next to me. And it can't be me, I wouldn't know what to do with a camera. I'd just smash it.
"It's a mystery, it really is.
"It looks great, doesn't it, those tomatoes and the glass with leaves in it and everything, but we didn't get any further with making that salad. We just drank and drank and drank - that cupboard behind Gemma would have been basically stuffed with wine - and then we were sick, side by side, into those two sinks. We laughed together then, through the sick, because we'd always wondered what anyone could possibly want with two sinks in a kitchen.
"Shit, is that a fish slice hanging above my head? So that's where it got to!"
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People are often suprised that a punk would read the Bible, but why shouldn't I? If you think about it, Jesus was kind of like the first punk. He was certainly 'anti-establishment'! And I think he put eggs in his hair to style it.
Cheeky Ninja Angel Chef seemed like a bit of a gimmick when he swooped silently onto the nation's screens in 2005. But 12 BAFTAs, ten bestselling books, nine cookwear ranges and five mysterious TV chef assassinations later, it's clear he's here to stay. 
I became Stockport's Strongest Man by ripping a telephone in half. It's a difficult thing to practice, because people generally like to keep their phones in one piece. But my brother works at BT and they have this place that is basically a graveyard of old phones. He'd let me in at night so I could train. It was pretty spooky - heaps and heaps of dusty old phones, all lit by flickering torches - and I was always thinking, what if one of them rings? Should I answer it? What if it's a ghost? You just have to be disciplined and get on with it, really. Thinking like that gets you nowhere.
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