faces: December 2007 Archives
Hello! It's me, Tom Catchpole. The actor! Today I'm going to share some techniques that you can deploy when you're called to act in that classic sci-fi scene: meeting the aliens. It's a scene I've played in many, many times. And whether you're encountering the ferocious Space Bastards from the inexorable Space Bastards! series, the enigmatic Morphopods from The Planet That Was Just An Eye, or the saucy Venusian teens from Busy Tentacles, you can be sure that when the director's screaming 'They're aliens, people! Aliens!' you'll want to have something out of this world ready to pull out from under your hat!
1. Fear
'Oh my God! That's disgusting! It's... repulsive!' Those are the kind of things that you want to be thinking when you're acting pure fear. I always try and imagine I'm squeezing toothpaste onto my toothbrush, but instead of toothpaste a worm is squiggling out! Eugh!
2. Scared
Some people say that acting scared is the same as acting afraid, but it isn't. It's very different. Try and imagine how you'd look if you'd just seen a ghost, but rather than a normal Earth ghost it's a space ghost. This should add an uncanny quality to your expression that is much prized by directors of science fiction.
3. Awe
Ah, the patent Tom Catchpole awestruck face. To get to this mental state, I contemplate just how much more advanced than us real aliens must be. For example, they probably don't even have to go to the bathroom. They can probably just teleport all the crap out of their bodies into space - and that's what asteroids are.
Sometimes things get so intense when I'm thinking these things that I just end up standing like this on set for hours. Once, a bee flew in my mouth and it was crawling around in there for ten minutes before it finally stung my tongue! Then I 'snapped out' of it, you can be sure!
4. Musical
Everybody in the world loves country and western music - and therefore so do aliens! What better way to welcome them to our planet than with an intergalactic hoe-down, played on a fiddle!
Well, all the directors I've worked with so far seem to think that a better way to welcome aliens to our planet is with nuclear missiles and the common cold, but I'll talk one of them round one of these days.
Happy acting!
1. Fear
'Oh my God! That's disgusting! It's... repulsive!' Those are the kind of things that you want to be thinking when you're acting pure fear. I always try and imagine I'm squeezing toothpaste onto my toothbrush, but instead of toothpaste a worm is squiggling out! Eugh!2. Scared
Some people say that acting scared is the same as acting afraid, but it isn't. It's very different. Try and imagine how you'd look if you'd just seen a ghost, but rather than a normal Earth ghost it's a space ghost. This should add an uncanny quality to your expression that is much prized by directors of science fiction.3. Awe
Ah, the patent Tom Catchpole awestruck face. To get to this mental state, I contemplate just how much more advanced than us real aliens must be. For example, they probably don't even have to go to the bathroom. They can probably just teleport all the crap out of their bodies into space - and that's what asteroids are. Sometimes things get so intense when I'm thinking these things that I just end up standing like this on set for hours. Once, a bee flew in my mouth and it was crawling around in there for ten minutes before it finally stung my tongue! Then I 'snapped out' of it, you can be sure!
4. Musical
Everybody in the world loves country and western music - and therefore so do aliens! What better way to welcome them to our planet than with an intergalactic hoe-down, played on a fiddle!Well, all the directors I've worked with so far seem to think that a better way to welcome aliens to our planet is with nuclear missiles and the common cold, but I'll talk one of them round one of these days.
Happy acting!
"So you definitely have to inject all four serums into my face at the same time, doctor?""Oh yes. The simultaneous quadratic face nutrition delivery system isn't called the simultaneous quadratic face nutrition delivery system for nothing, you know!"
"And you definitely have to give the injections from behind my head? With your assistant standing behind you with his arms hooked under yours?"
"Yes, that's definitely the only way to do this."
"You're both ambidextrous, then?"
"Ambi what?"
"You're both equally adept at giving injections with your left and right hands?"
"Oh, I wouldn't say we're adept at giving injections, as such..."
"You're not?"
"But we're probably equally not adept at giving injections with our left and right hands."
"I'm not sure I should go through with this..."
"Hey, it's not like giving injections is difficult. It's just sticking a needle into a target - and your face is quite a big target, if you don't mind me saying so."
"And these serums will definitely make my face smaller?"
"Working in concert, yes, these four serums will make your face smaller. Or bigger."
"Bigger?"
"Did I say bigger? I meant even more beautiful."
"Oh. OK, well, you'd better just do this thing."
"OK. You ready, Phil? Phil?"
"What's up?"
"Don't you just hate it when someone goes to sleep on the back of your neck?"
