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I became Stockport's Strongest Man by ripping a telephone in half. It's a difficult thing to practice, because people generally like to keep their phones in one piece. But my brother works at BT and they have this place that is basically a graveyard of old phones. He'd let me in at night so I could train. It was pretty spooky - heaps and heaps of dusty old phones, all lit by flickering torches - and I was always thinking, what if one of them rings? Should I answer it? What if it's a ghost? You just have to be disciplined and get on with it, really. Thinking like that gets you nowhere.I do feel I have a responsibility to be a good role model for the kids. I recently starred in an advertising campaign designed to stop children squashing spiders in the Granada area. It shows me shaking hands with a spider, proving that we can all get along if we just set aside our differences.
I wear these banana-coloured swimming trunks everywhere I go. Even when I met the Mayoress of Cheshire! She didn't seem to mind, though she did put some newspaper down on my chair. People think I wear them to show off my physique, but actually it's because I lost the key to my locker at the Grand Central Pools.
I'm not actually sure if spiders have hands. I think it's only monkeys that have hands, isn't it? Apart from us, I mean. Monkeys and koala bears - I'm sure I've seen a koala bear sucking its thumb.
You can see that I'm not actually lifting up these two girls in the picture. But if I was taller, they would definitely be hanging above the ground by the power of my biceps alone. I wonder if one of them will lend me their socks?
What is the Electronic Motivational Talisman? Put simply, the Electronic Motivational Talisman uses advanced computer imaging techniques to present a rapid succession of encouraging images to the brain of the viewer via the eye or eyes. The images are specially selected to energise, motivate and provide a psychological 'boost'.What's more, hidden amongst the images - like bandits (but helpful) in a forest - are a number of motivational statements written in words which sneak into the unconscious (or 'lazy') part of the brain and create, in Maslow's terminology, 'a climate of can-do'.
To use the Electronic Motivational Talisman, simply think of something that you've been putting off doing - stopping crying, winching a naughty baby out of a well - then click on here. Just let the positive images wash over you, while the subliminal messages reprogram your mind.
You must be this tall to use the Electronic Motivational Talisman.
Step one: the cautious scout
First, you need to make sure you're not about to dispense a thumbs-up in an inappropriate situation, such as a funeral* or sawmill calamity aftermath. Peep around or over something - a corner, bush or riot shield - so that you can confirm that what's going on is definitely something to which you want to give your approval and/or encouragement.
*There are sometimes moments in funerals when a thumbs-up can be used, perhaps to show appreciation for coffin-bearers struggling manfully with a particularly heavy load, but such a move needs to skilfully combine a discreet, understated thumb presentation with a grim half-smile and should only be attempted by advanced thumbs-uppers.
Step two: the lone soldier
Once you are committed to signalling your good wishes, extend your right arm - even if you are left-handed. (In many cultures, a left-handed thumbs-up will get you into trouble. For example, in Brazil it means 'I am clearly the best in this country and I hereby claim the Brazilian throne.' To the Danes it means 'I am here to remove Lego bricks from the rear of your cow. With my bare hands.') Raise your forearm and make a fist. Then very quickly - and practice this, because the longer you hold up your fist, the more chance there is of someone thinking you're about to punch them - elevate your thumb so that it's perpendicular to the ground.* Smile. If you've performed the thumbs-up correctly, your target thumbs-uppee will acknowledge your kind gesture and will respond with a thumbs-up themselves. Even monkeys will return a thumbs-up, though don't try and get them to do so at the zoo as it makes them excitable and they may have to be tranquilised.
*Thumbs-up techniques for astronauts will be covered in a future lesson.
Step three: the twins of power
This is the ne plus ultra of thumbs-ups: the maximum enthusiasm it is possible to express without the surgical addition of more thumbs. You might think that to give the double thumbs-up is easy - a simple matter of using the left hand and arm to mirror the action of the right. Well, it is - physically. But ethically it's a whole other matter. Of course, it's tempting to give a double thumbs-up at every opportunity. 'Why not?' you might think. It doesn't take any extra time; it's symmetrical; it's the nice thing to do. But don't be reckless. Does the situation really merit two thumbs? Is your three-year-old daughter's crayon drawing of a pony driving a space rocket really that good? It may reveal a charmingly impractical imagination, but by giving it a double-thumbs up you don't have anywhere left to go. When, twenty years later, you attend your daughter's art college graduation show and you give the same double-thumbs up to her 1:1 Blu-Tack replica of the Berlin Fernsehturm, she's going to think you think that she hasn't developed since nursery. She'll tell you were you can stick your two thumbs.
First, you need to make sure you're not about to dispense a thumbs-up in an inappropriate situation, such as a funeral* or sawmill calamity aftermath. Peep around or over something - a corner, bush or riot shield - so that you can confirm that what's going on is definitely something to which you want to give your approval and/or encouragement.*There are sometimes moments in funerals when a thumbs-up can be used, perhaps to show appreciation for coffin-bearers struggling manfully with a particularly heavy load, but such a move needs to skilfully combine a discreet, understated thumb presentation with a grim half-smile and should only be attempted by advanced thumbs-uppers.
Step two: the lone soldier
Once you are committed to signalling your good wishes, extend your right arm - even if you are left-handed. (In many cultures, a left-handed thumbs-up will get you into trouble. For example, in Brazil it means 'I am clearly the best in this country and I hereby claim the Brazilian throne.' To the Danes it means 'I am here to remove Lego bricks from the rear of your cow. With my bare hands.') Raise your forearm and make a fist. Then very quickly - and practice this, because the longer you hold up your fist, the more chance there is of someone thinking you're about to punch them - elevate your thumb so that it's perpendicular to the ground.* Smile. If you've performed the thumbs-up correctly, your target thumbs-uppee will acknowledge your kind gesture and will respond with a thumbs-up themselves. Even monkeys will return a thumbs-up, though don't try and get them to do so at the zoo as it makes them excitable and they may have to be tranquilised.*Thumbs-up techniques for astronauts will be covered in a future lesson.
Step three: the twins of power
This is the ne plus ultra of thumbs-ups: the maximum enthusiasm it is possible to express without the surgical addition of more thumbs. You might think that to give the double thumbs-up is easy - a simple matter of using the left hand and arm to mirror the action of the right. Well, it is - physically. But ethically it's a whole other matter. Of course, it's tempting to give a double thumbs-up at every opportunity. 'Why not?' you might think. It doesn't take any extra time; it's symmetrical; it's the nice thing to do. But don't be reckless. Does the situation really merit two thumbs? Is your three-year-old daughter's crayon drawing of a pony driving a space rocket really that good? It may reveal a charmingly impractical imagination, but by giving it a double-thumbs up you don't have anywhere left to go. When, twenty years later, you attend your daughter's art college graduation show and you give the same double-thumbs up to her 1:1 Blu-Tack replica of the Berlin Fernsehturm, she's going to think you think that she hasn't developed since nursery. She'll tell you were you can stick your two thumbs.
